Congratulate me dear friends. This autumn is the best time of my life. One month ago I released from the jail. 15 years of imprisonment are behind me. It was the jail with the highest level of security, where prisoner had only duties and no rights. This jail called "Parenthood".
At the beginning of my imprisonment I thought "Okey, I am guilty. I admit it. I will take my punishment and than after a few years I'll be again the same resilient, cheerful guy". How naive I was. It was not easy to withstand the tortures of my guardian. All these endless amusement parks, zoos, circuses, cinemas, McDonalds, seriously damaged my nervous system and left the ugly scars.
I can't say that I didn't think about escape plan. I remember my first attempt after 10 years of imprisonment. I was on a walk. Every jail has it's own yard for walking. My guardian was busy with other guardians.
I saw a beautiful red-haired girl sitting on the bench. I was flooded with memories of my freedom. I decided to get some fresh air and say hello and one little compliment on her adorable yellow little shorts. I looked around. There was no my guardian. What a coincidence! I came closer and opened the mouth to say "Good afternoon, charming lady". However that moment I have heard alarming siren!
In reality it was my guardians saying: "Dad, dad, where are you going, I was seeking for you, I want to drink, let's buy Coca Cola".
I closed my mouth, turned around and said:
- You are big enough to know the truth, I am not your biological father. That day I was walking with your not biological mother by a garbage can. Someone moved into the can. It was homeless baby wrapped in the sack, it was you, my dear stepson. So, call me not father, but uncle Yura. Especially in such crucial moment as it was.
And I looked at yellow little shorts last time.
- You are not my dad? Are you kidding? We're the same, you and me.
- What is the same? I was good at school. And you? You study very, very badly. I read the books and you? You read never and nothing.
- But I saw the pictures of my mom when she was pregnant.
- It was Photoshop. I should do it for legalizing your birth. By the way I paid in the hospital the bribe 200$ for making fake documents about your birth. You owe me.
- But why did you spend money if you had no desire to be father and grow me up?
- I saw long-term prospect in this case. I thought that healthy liver, kidneys, lungs are always high paying assets. That moment your liver, kidneys, lungs costed nothing. I invested. After 10 years of investments the prices on such assets are much higher. How rounded cheeks you have, my costly boy!
My first attempt of escape failed. He did not believe me. I continued to spend time in the prison and hoped on good deal in the future.
A few years latter unexpected risk for my investments has appeared. My neighbor who was prisoner too said that he caught our guardians trying to smoke. Oh my gosh, my investments into lungs are in danger! A few years more of smoking and the first rate lungs will cuckoo.
I said: "My goofy stepson, we will go to Poland. Please don't eat too much chocolate bars and drink Coca Cola these days. I care about you liver and my comfortable old age".
My plan was to go to Poland by bus together. I was going to bargain even about lungs there. And than my return trip. Alone. Driving big jeep with the Polish car number.
My plan failed. We went to Poland by bus together and came back home together. But what a coincidence! It was a group of Ukrainian schoolchildren in the bus who were seeking for the next place of education. My guardian took the bait. A few moths after this trip my imprisonment was over.
In closing, I would like to quote Vladimir Nabokov's saying about coincidence: "A certain man once lost a diamond cuff-link in the wide blue sea, and twenty years later, on the exact day, a Friday apparently, he was eating a large fish - but there was no diamond inside. That's what I like about coincidence."